What a Beautiful Moment

by Lisa

For the past few months, it has become one of my favorite things to greet Sophie as she wakes for the day and each nap that I am home for. There are moments when I have this overwhelming urge to watch her sleep and then I bite the inside of my cheek as I resist the urge to touch her or hold her while she slumbers. Call it what you will, but I think it's love that has been deepening. Of course I loved her when she was first in our lives, but those were days mixed with little sleep and full of huge adjustments. And I really didn't know her. It's just like getting to know anyone--it takes time. Because she is my child, I am instantly enamored by her, but it is a primitive love. And now I feel that over these 6 months, I have gotten to know her. And see her personality develop. I've shared moments of laughter and moments of pain with her. Again, just like any relationship, the time spent and the experiences shared create deeper and more meaningful bonds. I am getting to know Sophia. Not just this needy infant who requires me to meet those needs. But I am getting to know this little person. This curious, happy, loving child.

Yesterday was one of those moments when I was overwhelmed with my sense of love for her. And was struck with knowing that my love for her has deepened (and will continue to do so over the years). It has become a daily occurrence where usually Ben and I bring her into our bed to be with us in the morning hours--we just talk with her and share our space and our hearts with her. We coo with her and allow her hands to explore our faces. We share laughter and cover her soft little cheeks with kisses. While Ben was still at school, I enjoyed a similar moment with her. Just mother and daughter. We gaze into each other's eyes and her ever-moving hands reach for my face. Her hands steady themselves on my chin and my cheek. And we paus. We soak it in. I for the love of this child. Who, I resolve, I could not live without. I would not want to live without. This love cuts me deep. I want endless time with her. She for the amusement of this person who looks like her. Who has held her for the past 6 months. She is discovering me again in a different way. I know that there will be difficult times to come between us. But for this moment, all is perfect between us. She is perfect. I have not failed her. And she has not turned herself away from me.

And if to say that change is inevitable and to enjoy these brief moments of perfectness when they come along...she rolls away. Proud of herself and the way her body moves. Proud that she is capable. And then she rolls back toward me. She reaches those chubby hands out toward my face and holds it once again. Right there. As if to say, be with me here. Change doesn't have to happen right now. We are here together. Me and You.

Happy half-bithday Sophie!