My Design

i've been listening to the audio book, the design of everyday things by donald norman.  and it's not that it's a tiny bit boring or a little outdated that's keeping me from finishing it (more quickly).  of course i put this expectation on myself that i need to be more interested in design.  i need to know everything there ever was about design:  history, "the greats", purpose, marketing, and so on.  it only made sense because i was following a whim and that led me down over yonder to an interest, and then over there i sat in a field of "of course i'm a designer, i do things...designy things."  the surge of excitement to purse something, to make it into more of a hobby, was quite thrilling and challenging.  so why not apply to a mfa in design studies program at one of the top design schools in the usa who also happens to have a branch here in good-'ol doha?!  that's the natural progression of it, ey.  no experience.  no actual qualifications.  no prior academic-related courses.

after the courteous one-hour informal meeting of me interviewing the director of the program and me pretty much salivating after this amazing program and the beautiful white, spacious walls and airy working space where the creatives gather and make the creative stuff; i came home and set the whole idea on the shelf (after a bit of soured tears, all ready surrendering up the pursuit).  the reality is, only seven students are accepted each year and i saw a glimpse of a wee stack (more like, there's-no-chance-for-me-kind-of-a-stack) of candidates all anxiously spilling out of their blaze orange file folders with their accomplishments and 'perdy portfolio samples.   and the reality is, it's a darn challenging program (and a few other mouth-dropping bits of work expected out of ya).  and the reality is, i have two small kids who NEED me.  and the reality is, i don't know if i have what it takes.  and the reality is, i'm really bound by this venture to figure out my place in the world and who i am.   honestly, i wanted something to tell me i was worth more then my day-to-day-to-day-to-day.  so, instead of waiting to post an "i got in!" sort of announcement on facebook, i'm secretly conveying my inadequacies here on the blog hoping none of you read it and offer me tissues (ahem...well, i guess i'll post this link on facebook, but still, no tissues).

so yup.  that's what i have to say about that.  it's an old tale:  figuring out what to do next and waiting.  and then acting.  and then stepping back and remarking, "damn, that's good design, God.  i finally see the way you see."  and then i can love myself a bit more.  then i can love my children and my husband a bit more.  this thing called life, this God-given gift, is what's in the process, the sketch book, the sewing table, the carving bench of design-work.  i'm glad for the ambition and the newness of artfulness that prompted me to try something.  so, this isn't going to work (likely won't), but what's next?  and in the mean time, what i do, the design of my life and my family's life, matters.  so, put that in your CMYK-graphically illustrated, photoshopped portfolio!